Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
