i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
