the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
