Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
