i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
