i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
