Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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