OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
