it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize