I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
