There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
