i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
