We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I believe in your delicious
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
