Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
