You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
