Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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