so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
