Porn is love you can see.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
