My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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