I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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