you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm both gender and math confused
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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