I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
