Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
