I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
