I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
