he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
