When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
