What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
