Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
