I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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