the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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