I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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