By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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