girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
