Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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