1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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