Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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