somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
