Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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