I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize