..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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