she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dignity is for republicans.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
