# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
