What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
