I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
