whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
