KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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