She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
