DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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