you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
