can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
