So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
