She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
