i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
