I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
is that a dick in a sweater?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
