I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
