And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
