Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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