Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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