Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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