explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
