there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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