very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
