Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
