just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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