maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
