If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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