Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
