Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
