YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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