Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize