NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize