I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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