He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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