The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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