i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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