i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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