The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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