Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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