i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize