i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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