He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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