Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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