Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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