Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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