Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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