did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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