she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize