He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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