You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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