Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
