wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
whose parrot is this?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
