Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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