I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
