DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My penis needs a shock collar
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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