So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
