great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
