Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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