So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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