Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
