So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
