Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
