I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
